“I know how you feel.” I’ve caught myself saying that more times than I can count. Now, that comes from a sincere desire to empathize with someone. The Scriptures are clear and direct regarding compassion for others. “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Paul says to the Church in Rome (12:15). Peter puts it this way in 1 Peter 3:8: “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.”
The essence of empathy is encouraging us to relate to one another viscerally by sharing in the emotions of others, whether joy or sorrow. Genuine empathy fosters a deep sense of community and connection.
That being said, here’s why I try not to tell others, “I know how you feel.” Because I don’t. I may have had similar experiences. I may have walked through the difficulty of others, but pain and grieving are unique to the person. The emotions range from disengagement to anger. Saying you know what is happening inside of them most often is not completely true and is not helpful. Job’s “friends,” in an attempt to empathize with Job’s loss, made matters worse. They would have served him better if they had just done what they began to do: nothing. Job 2:13 records their initial acts of compassion, “ Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.” Going forward, I’m going to listen well before I open my mouth. At least, that is my intention.